Home at last

Dear Abigail,
The last time i wrote to you we were still in hospital but we have now been home since Monday. On Sunday the doctors confirmed that everything looked great and we could take you home the next morning. I have to tell you baby girl that Sunday was a difficult day for me, in between feeding and looking after you I spent a lot of time crying, I just felt so bad that everything had gone the way it had and that you were having formula that I couldn't hold it in anymore. Sunday afternoon and evening though their was a fantastic nurse looking after you, here and I had many conversations and some of the things she said went a long way in helping me to feel better and more at peace. Waking up on Monday morning I was so excited, at last after nine days in hospital we were taking you home, at last I would get to see your brother again and we would get to do things our way instead of the way the hospital wanted it done. While things have been chaotic as we all settle into being a family I am loving being a family and watching your big brother bond with you. 

Samuel adores you and doesn't want to leave you alone, when you are sleeping he constantly asks if you can wake up now, he keeps asking to hold you, kiss you, hug you and play with you and when ever you cry he gets a little upset and comes running to you, stroking your head or talking softly to you telling you it's alright. On Monday when Daddy and Samuel came to pick us up at the hospital the first thing that Samuel did was come over to me and say 'me hold abigail?' I helped him to hold you and then he wanted to carry you out of the hospital. After he had seen me try and feed you a few times he lifted up his top and told us that he had milk and would feed you. I am really looking forward to watching your relationship with your brother grow over the years and really hope that the two of you will be lifelong friends and a great support to one another as you reach adulthood. 

Being at home in my own space things have been a lot better and I've been able to enjoy and bond with you much better then at the hospital. Everyday I am feeling better about the way things went but yesterday when we went to visit the doctor things she said really helped put things into perspective. She explained just what had happened and what both you and I had been sick with and her explanation helped explain why the doctors at the hospital treated us the way they did but more so helped put things into perspective. See what you were sick with my precious baby girl is a very serious illness that is known to cause complications and still birth in babies. My doctor who use to work at the maternity hospital told me that the only babies she had ever lost were ones with this illness and that it at times had come down to only an hour between a healthy baby and losing a baby. She told me of one case where on arrival at hospital the baby had a heartbeat but by the time it was delivered an hour later by emergency Caesarian section it had sadly passed away. One hour was all it took and it scares me completely to think that one hour more and we could have lost you. If it wasn't for my appendix scare there is a very big chance that you wouldn't be here with us now. The condition we had the only way of treating it is antibiotics to prevent on going infection and quick delivery of the baby. You were delivered 24 hours after I arrived at the hospital and I will thank god everyday that you are okay and that you are here with us now. 

I love you so very much my little princess
Love
Mummy